Reported Speech Rules: A Crime Against Intelligence

"Teaching this as a rule-based system isn’t just bad pedagogy—it should be punishable by law."

Let’s talk about possibly the dumbest thing ever taught in a classroom—"Reported Speech Rules." You know… “Mowa zależna”: ‘will’ changes to ‘would,’ tenses go back, etc. Rules. For. Repeating. Context. Let that sink in.

Books want you to memorize rules about changing tenses, pronouns, time and place expressions, and potentially the moon’s phases.

"Present becomes past, 'tomorrow' becomes 'the next day,' and if Jupiter is in retrograde, add three auxiliary verbs." I might’ve made that last one up, but honestly, would you even notice?

Teaching this as a rule-based system isn’t just bad pedagogy—it should be punishable by law. Why? Because it’s a waste of everybody’s time and energy and an insult to intelligence. And calling it "Reported Speech" and giving it fancy rules doesn’t make it academic. It just makes it offensively stupid.

Your Native Language Test

Imagine someone trying to teach you rules for reporting speech in your native language. They pull out charts and tables, explaining how you need to mathematically shift every tense back in time, transform pronouns according to some guidelines, and convert time expressions.

You would think two things: WHY and WTF?!?!

And I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t take notes like it’s some grand revelation—you’d laugh them out of the room.

"Imagine someone trying to teach you rules for reporting speech in your native language... You would think two things: WHY and WTF?!?!"

Yet call it "English Grammar," and watch thousands of perfectly intelligent people transform into nodding zombies, eagerly writing down and memorizing what might be the dumbest thing ever taught in an academic setting.

Why This Is Weapons-Grade Stupid

I mean, if someone said "I’m going there tomorrow" last week, do you really need a rulebook to figure out how to report that?

"Situations are situational," as a famous American icon says.

Context varies. Time moves on. Places change. Different people know different things. And these grammar books think you need a flowchart to handle that?

How dumb do they think you are? Actually, don't answer that—their "rules" already did.

Why Do Schools Teach It This Way?

Because it’s easy. Creating a list of rules gives the illusion of structure. It looks great on a whiteboard, and it’s easy to grade in a test. But it doesn’t actually teach you how to use the language… or your thinking noodle.

What Actually Matters

Since grammar books have brainwashed so many of you, I have to state the obvious:

“Reported Speech” is about making sure your listener understands what was said. That’s it.

Your brain already does it in your language, and I would be a hypocrite if I started giving you new tips for when the tenses don’t change and “here” doesn’t change to “there.”

You just need:

• Understanding the logic and chronology of English tenses and verb forms 

• Two brain cells still occasionally making contact

So please, join me in boycotting “Reported Speech” lessons as crimes against your brain activity, and let’s use these books with rules for something more useful—like swatting flies or something.